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Friday, July 06, 2007

From The Mouths of Husbands: Let's Go Crazy about 3121

Prince ... The artist formerly known … as “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince” … is slated to play a concert tomorrow (July 7th).

And the venue is … Madison Square Garden?

Radio City Music Hall?
Guess Again!

Caesar’s Palace?
Wrong again!

Why it’s none other than that bastion of Rock ‘N’ Roll …
(The Department store formerly known as Bamberger’s in some areas).

Take THAT Wal-Mart!

Oh how the mighty have fallen. But wait, His Crazy Purpleness is not just playing a department store. The Minnesota midget is playing the Macy’s in the downtown Nicollet Mall, in his home town of Minneapolis.
The performance is linked to the Purple One’s launch of his new Fragrance …

“When Doves Cr*p”

Just kidding. His fragrance, called “3121” has been available in select areas so far. But the official launch takes place Saturday at the Minneapolis Macy’s.
Apparently the Macy’s people lured Prince, knowing that he has some sort of infatuation with the number “7”. So he has agreed to play seven songs (or so) on the seventh day of the seventh month of the seventh year of the millennium. I guess they forgot to mention the Macy’s high-school-gym-sized auditorium is actually on the eighth floor.

(Ding) “Eighth Floor … Purple suits, Retro-80’s acts and men’s fragrances!”

And of course, the name of the fragrance (3121) … while not actually having a “7’ in the name … does add up to 7.
Macy’s North sent Prince a Laptop with his “3121” logo on it and when he opened it, there was a short video presentation for him to see with Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez and thousands of screaming fans at Macy’s. That’s what they Macy’s people said anyway; though they did not specify if the thousands of screamers were fans of Beyonce and Lopez or of Macy’s. The Macy’s people did request that Prince sing “Purple Rain” but his final song list has yet to be confirmed.

Tomorrow’s performance is part of Macy’s plans to recreate the sort of excitement that years ago, was part of the mall’s appeal. Geez, I always thought quality products at good prices should be the appeal, no?

Though celebrity appearances happen at that mall quite often, they have not hosted a major music act since the Yardbirds in the 1960s. Frank Guzzetta, chief executive officer and chairman of Macy's North, has been quoted as saying, “"Retail should be theater."

I for one, can’t wait to see the Kmart Players version of “Death of a Shoe Department Salesman.”

Prince, (born Prince Rogers Nelson) who now is 48 years old, has been blazing the comeback trail in the past few years with appearances on Saturday Night Live and of course, at last year’s Super Bowl.

In addition to Beyonce and Lopez over the past 18 months, Macy's North has attracted a half-dozen celebrities, including Sarah Jessica Parker for the launch of her fragrance, the downtown Minneapolis store laid a pink carpet down the main aisle; more than 2,500 people came to see her.

I guess Janet “Costume Malfunction” Jackson was ruled out for a performance in the lingerie department? Shame.
The auditorium will hold an estimated 1,400 people. Tickets cost $250 each (Fragrance not included). Now as for the fragrance itself …

I expected it to have some sort of unpronounceable symbol as a name. In fact the name is sort of confusing. I mean does one pronounce it “Three One Two One” or “Three Thousand and Twenty One?”

It is in fact pronounced: THREE – ONE – TWO – ONE In a shameless bit of cross-promotion, the name of the fragrance (3121) is also the name of Prince’s most recent studio album.

“3121” is believed to be a reference to the address of a Los Angeles mansion that Prince rented, primarily for the purpose of partying it would seem. Because Prince apparently got the address wrong. It is thought that the actual address was 1235 Sierra Way (according to a lawsuit filed by the landlord – whose name – I kid you not - is Carlos BOOZER).

Boozer is from Germany and plays for the Utah Jazz.

But Prince – being Prince – always referred to the property as 3121. And he even went to the trouble of repainting the address on the building to say ‘3121’. In fact, defacing the address played a part in the lawsuit.

No word on whether Prince also refers to the property as “The Mansion Formerly Known as 1235 Sierra Way.”

The scent is … well let’s remember first that this is MISTER Colombina writing … and my nose is to perfume reviews what Genghis Kahn was to good table manners. But I’ll give it a go.

I expected the diminutive Prince to want to blast us with some macho male compensation of leather and musk. But one must also remember that this Minnie-Sota Metrosexual also professes a love of all things floral.

Truth be told, the first whiff is quite fruity. Insert your own joke here. And there was something almost citric to it. If it reminded me of anything, it was the gardenias in my neighbor’s garden as a small boy .,, which I always thought were just called “shrubs” but since I cheated and saw that gardenias are an ingredient …and gardenias grow on shrubs, I will assume that I am right.

After waiting for the scent to ‘settle’ – my term for getting past the initial whiff of ANY fragrance because they all smell alcoholly to me at first smell … I THINK there was something manly and musky but that may have just been my natural scent.

Don’t ask me what size the bottle is, or whether it’s an Eau de Parfum, cologne or any of that technical stuff. I don’t know. I was only able to get a small sample from a friend of a friend of a friend. One of the advantages of the Colombinas recently relocating to the NY metro area. I do know that rumors abound that it will sell for $31.21

I always thought that celebrities who had a fragrance just whipped some up in their basements at the weekend. But apparently, according to Colombina, an actual perfume company gets involved to develop it. In this case, the company is called “Revelations Perfume and Cosmetics, Inc.

So goodbye “Prince & the Revolution”. Hello “Prince and Revelation”

Kind of sad to think about Prince’s original backing band, ‘The Revolution’ and how as a young male, I never quite got passed the lesbofantasy of Wendy & Lisa.
Revelations Perfume and Cosmetics, Inc. by the way is based outside Philadelphia in Huntingdon Valley, PA, near where I grew up and near where the Colombinas used to live.

Since we are on the topic of music, Huntingdon Valley is also famous as being the home of Nancy Spungen – of “Sid & Nancy” fame – the heroin-addicted slapper girlfriend of Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols, who was mysteriously found stabbed to death wearing only her underwear in a New York hotel bathroom. But I digress.

Has the EVER been a person – NOT in the perfume game who LOOKS more like someone who SHOULD be in a perfume ad than Prince? I mean seriously … look at this guy!

Another circulating rumor, has it that Prince was such a big fan of the ‘reality’ show “Big Brother”, that according to the British tabloid, ‘The Sun’ … he wrote to the producers asking if he could be in an upcoming episode whilst they were still filming it. Personally, I think they’d have to rename it “Small Brother.”

So I wish prince well in his concert, his comeback, his foray into the fragrance world. I ask him just two things …

1) Write something good again!
2) Bring back Wendy & Lisa


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, Mr. Colombina, would you wear the fragrance or not? :-) :-)

I want to take this opportunity to stand up for all my fellow short people. Unfortunately, it won't be very high. Badda-bing!

12:04 AM EDT  
Blogger elle said...

"When Doves Cr*p" - lmao! And at Macy's. Huh. Who knew? Looking forward to that show at Kmart. :-)
The LA mansion number story is perfect in so many ways. Prince is definitely unique. Surprising that the scent doesn't seem to be.

7:01 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

maria b., here I am, another short one (according to my extensive research I'm exactly same short as prince...).
Prince was (is) a hell of a talented person, plus a real showman and thanks for reminding him, I'll enjoy some of his music tonight (but I'm not sure I share a perfume-taste with him...).

BTW, under the heavy influence of Colombina's recent review I bought and wear "White Oud" today. Those ouds, they're tricky...

8:14 AM EDT  
Blogger Marina said...

Mr C,
Love the article! My absolute favorites are the last two images and the captions to them. Superb. Bravo!

9:13 AM EDT  
Blogger Marina said...

LOL!! ♥

9:13 AM EDT  
Blogger Marina said...

You say aouds are tricky...does it mean the White one is not treating you nicely? Tell him I'll have to have a serious talk with him if it doesn't start behaving. :-)

9:14 AM EDT  
Blogger rosarita said...

Mr. C, your writing is pun-tastic! As for 3121 (which I thought was thirty one twenty one btw, so glad you saved me from embarrassment at my local Macy's), the bottle looks way cooler than a benign white floral. Of course, selling to the masses and raking in the cash is the point of any celeb scent, after all. Thanks for your hilarious review!

9:14 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Despite your protestations to the contrary, your review of the scent was perfect in providing me a mental (olfactory) image of what it smells like. (sorry about the convoluted sentence.) Love that you added the macho musky smell in the drydown may have just been you! :-D

9:45 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG... your post was so funny. :)

I loved the part where you posted the pic of him posing nude on the satiny sheets while asking *** Has the EVER been a person – NOT in the perfume game who LOOKS more like someone who SHOULD be in a perfume ad than Prince? I mean seriously … look at this guy!***

Anyway, fun read and thankfully I do not like or wear gardenia scents.


10:54 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fruity, eh? You don't say....

Wendy and Lisa do the music for Heroes, Monday nights on NBC, btw. Probably a better-paying gig than hanging around with the Short Purple One.

12:50 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I explain what I meant with "tricky" : breathing in "White aoud" it was almost unpleasant but in ones nose it makes a somersault and when breathing out I can smell a fruity deep rose, magic spices and smooth wood, and there is nothing unpleasant anymore.
I'm not sure though if "Royal aoud" will make a somersault in my nose...

3:07 PM EDT  
Blogger Marina said...

I haven't tried Royal Oud! Please report! :-)

3:09 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:34 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


I would not. I thought it came up a little short. OK, short jokes aside ...I'm sure your height is far better suited for a woman, than an aging metrosexual who thinks he is/was God's gift.

3:36 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


I agree that it is a little surprising that his scent was not as unique as Prince himself.

I mean we surely expected some sort of phallic bottle for certain!

Remember in the '80's when there was a debate as to who was LESS weird ...Prince or Michael Jackson? In the words of Chris Rock ... Prince won!

3:40 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Lady Jane (Maria),

There is no doubting Prince's talent and showmanship. I spent the most money I ever spent on a concert to see him from the first row.

The Purple Rain soundtrack is probably one of the best albums of the '80's. The same can't be said for the film itself of course.

Hey ... What ever happened to Morris Day? Or for that matter, Sheila E.?


3:43 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


Thanks for the kind words and for the use of your much-read space to let me get some creative ya-yas out!

Though never short ideas for rants, I never manage to post nearly as much on my own blog as I do on yours - which I put down to your tight deadline pressure. :-)

(shameless promotion alert)

NEW post coming soon!

Your Husband

3:46 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


Glad you enjoyed it. Glad I could spare you some embarrassment at the Macy's counter.

Theoretically I guess the post could also spare some people embarrassment at their local Tower Records ... though sales of the CD are not exactly brisk.

I think it's somewhere on the Billboard charts just after the new Wiggles album.


3:50 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


Oh it WAS musky me ... I am sure.

But trusting my 'review' would be like the government trusting its 'intelligence-based' decisions on whether or not to go to war, on some graduate students thesis!

Oh wait ...they DID do that.


3:53 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Hi Dawn!

Glad you liked the post. I think Prince is almost a cartoon in this perfume-ad-look photos.


3:55 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


Fruity as Hawaiian Punch!

Thanks for the update/tip on Wendy & Lisa.

IN RETROspect ... they were no more my youthful music-goddess obsessions than Bananarama or that singer from the Bangles with the cute nose.


3:58 PM EDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

LOL!!! Love the captions to the last two pictures. You're ever darn so creative and hilarious! As for Macy's, the store's been riding down hill full speed, hence the celebrity performances, methinks. *Yawn* As for the scent, it is truly one of the vilest scents I've ever smelled. A plasticky-artificial-synthetic mess on steroids.

4:12 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ohmigosh! I am cracking up. My best friend in high school saw the Purple Rain tour before I was allowed to go to rock concerts. The perfume of the moment was "Obsession" and it could often be smelled along with clove cigarettes and sweaty gym clothes, wafting down the halls...

4:16 PM EDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thats a *huge* article on a *small* man !

4:42 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could't stop chuckling,it was far more interesting than Prince's fragrance is.

4:48 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know I'm late to the "3121" party, but thank you for a very good laugh :-D!

7:22 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it Mr. C! More purple stuff on this blog please!

4:58 AM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


I agree about Macy's going downhill but then again, when it comes to department stores, I was always more of a SEARS guy.

Macy's doesn't carry Craftsman tools!

Hey maybe Barry Bonds should have a fragrance ...After all ... He IS A plasticky-artificial-synthetic mess on steroids.

(Bonds is a baseball player for those who know the scents of exotic flora and animal musks but not the scents of hotdogs, beer and pine tar.)


2:51 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Dear Anonymous,

The "leggins"-clad, Sheena-Easton-perm-wearing, girl sporting a big Madonna-like cross, that I took to that Prince [Purple Rain Tour] concert was doused in Giorgio.

I think it was her first 'big girl' scent after Love's Baby Soft perhaps?

I only remember that because she asked me to buy it for her.

And it was an expensive [cheap] perfume and highly popular [like Obsession] at the time, as I recall.

But even that AND the Prince tickets got me nowhere with her.

I also recall taking her to see the film "Gremlins" and halfway through the picture, her asking me if it was based on a true story.

I was not selecting from the Mensa membership early in my dating career obviously ...saving myself for the intellectual challenge of the highly educated, superior intelligence force, the world has come to know as Colombina.

A wise decision on my part.


3:00 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


Yes... Perhaps I was a tad verbose and loquacious on the topic of Le Petit Prince.

But as Colombina would attest, [when I am asked to submit a guest post] ... mine is always huge.

Why? I am not too certain.

Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father too bold. Maybe I'm just like my mother. She's never satisfied

Mr. C.

3:11 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Dear Anonymous!


Remember ... A red dwarf is a star. But a purple dwarf is a superstar!


3:13 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...


Better late than never. But I understand ... Sometimes living gets in the way of life.

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else
The afterworld
A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night

Let's Go Crazy!

Thanks for reading!

3:17 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Hi Andy,

Good to hear from you again!

More purple stuff?

Well let's see ... I can't fathom anything more I could write about Prince but ...

There was the one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater.

There is Erma Bombeck's poem about purple hats.

"The Purple Rose of Cairo" was an enjoyable Woody Allen picture.

Mr. C.

3:23 PM EDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

Us folks here in the Twin Cities were just as deeply underwhelmed as the rest of you, I want you to know. He did a concert afterward at First Avenue, the club he founded but hasn't been to in about 20 years. The cops cut him off just a few songs in because it was 3 a.m., and they don't make exceptions!

OK, here's a piece of Prince trivia. I knew someone who knew someone who worked for him. Some years ago, his private chef quit because all he would let her make for him was crud like Kraft Mac & Cheese and Duncan Hines mix cakes. A man of exquisite taste, yes.

Very funny post, Mr. C.!

2:12 PM EDT  

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