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Friday, October 30, 2009

Spooky Scent

By Paul

October 31st conjures many memories for me. In my early twenties, I bought a used Chevy Impala on that date, which I named “Vlad, the Impala.” But I digress.

Welcome to my (lab)oratory on a perfume for Halloween. Now, I DO already know … thanks to my vast untapped knowledge of fragrances … ah who am I kidding … on my ability to Google, about Halloween Perfume by Jesus Del Pozo for Women.

But like always, why would I want to buy one, when I can create my own?

I draw my inspiration from Vincent Price’s “rap” in the song ‘Thriller’ … and in particular, two lines from that ‘rap’.

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years

Has anyone ever used human blood as a perfume ingredient I wonder? Then again, you want to go to your Halloween party a little more vamp, and a little less vampire.

Pumpkin might be an interesting choice. Every year at this time, there always seems to be a release of pumpkin spice coffee available, and while it tastes better than it sounds, I just don’t see it as arousing to anyone this side of Peter Peter Pumpkin eater.

So now, with the help of my faithful (and imaginary) assistant, Igor … let the work begin.

I will start with rightwing of Newt (Gingrich)

And eye of Batman

The seed of a virtuous young Robert Pattison

And …

Nah, that’s not gonna work.


(Sorry, I often shout that inexplicably in my lab)

Well I am just going to toss some stuff in a hopper, see how it goes, and then even if it is the foulest stench in the air, I’ll just throw some celeb’s name on it and get the Madison Ave boys to spew some artsy dream-like ad campaign.

“I need more clouds! Get me dry ice. Someone put more twigs in that sprite’s hair! Now tango across that conference table, not foxtrot! This is a perfume commercial, not Tom Delay promotional stunt! Work with me people!”

I don’t know how you go about extracting the scent from things but I quote Freddie Prinze in “Chico and the Man” … “It’s not my job man.”

So into the hopper (picture a big boiling witch’s pot) go the extracted scents of all the scary things I can think of apart from Dick Cheney.

* Some graveyard soil … that ashy, misty, mossy night time dew (zombie scent)
* Embalming fluid (mummy scent)
* Something woodsy like a wooden stake (vampire scent)
* Garlic (anti vampire scent)


Then apply a little behind each neck bolt and you’re good to go.


I call this concoction “Ghoul Power”

Happy Halloween!


Blogger Flora said...

LOL, very clever! But you forgot the Flop Sweat Accord and the Angel Of Death Mushroom absolute. :-D

1:18 AM EDT  
Blogger Ines said...

:) - Great post to start the day!

5:05 AM EDT  
Blogger Marina said...

So which celeb would be the face of this fragrance?

6:58 AM EDT  
Blogger chayaruchama said...

Such a silly man...
What a pleasure.
Nice to see you, Pablo.

8:32 AM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Thank you all for commenting. which celeb would be the face for it? I think there is only one choic for 'Ghoul Power' ... Scary Spice of course.

10:13 AM EDT  
Blogger ScentScelf said...

Ha! Thanks for the Halloween treat. Or trick. ;)

"The funk of forty thousand years" there's some skank for you. Angelina Jolie used to wear human blood around her neck; maybe she would be up for it as an ingredient in her perfume?

BTW, my good friend and roommate many years back inherited her grandmother's Dodge Dart. She called it, "L'Object." L'Object D(')art would have enjoyed meeting Vlad, the Impala.

10:39 AM EDT  
Blogger Ducks said...

Hee hee! :)

1:37 PM EDT  
Blogger elle said...

The perfect scented treat for Halloween. :-) Thanks for the laughs!

3:07 PM EDT  
Blogger tmp00 said...

Do you also run around correcting people: "It's pronounced 'Frah-ken-shteen'"

Write more!

4:00 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Thanks for reading and commenting Ducks!

6:10 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Always a pleasure to supply the yucks elle. Hally Happoween

6:11 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Cool car name Scentscelf! Over the years I owned a Beetle called "Ringo", a Pontiac Catalina called "The Hotel California" and a two-seater sports car we called the virgin for reasons not suited to display on a family blog. :-)

6:13 PM EDT  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Hi Tom,

Nice to hear from ya!

I go around correcting EVERYONE (about EVERY THING). When it comes to peeves, I have more pets than Betty White.

6:14 PM EDT  
Blogger Audit Diva said...

LOL, thanks for this!

Happy Halloween!

5:37 AM EDT  
Anonymous dissed said...

Scentself, my first car was a 1966 Dodge Dart. Murgatroyd. Probably the best car ever.

Vlad the Impala. Love it.

11:07 AM EDT  

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