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Friday, March 02, 2007

Perfume Review: Christian Dior Midnight Charm Eau de Noel

2006. Christian Dior Parfums Headquarters. Executive committee discusses the next release.

Executive 1: We have to come up with something innovative. People are bored with all the Poisons and J'Adore.

Executive 2: Oui. I've been asked several times lately whether we are still in perfume business.

Executive 3: There is a lot of competition, guys. All those Guerlain reissues, and their "niche" scents, they worry me.

Execuitve 1: Chanel is rumoured to come up with something Really Big any day now. Scary.

Executive 4: At least we have nothing to be afraid where Givenchy is concerned...

Executive 2: Oui. But even Lancôme re-issued some of their scents a while ago. I hear they are not that good compared to what they used to be, but at least they tried, you know? Maybe we should re-launch Dior-Dior and make Diorling and Diorama widely available again.

Executive 4: What, and end the suffering of all those perfume nuts writing those silly little blogs?! No way! I enjoy torturing them too much to do that.

Executive 1: OK, seriously, guys, we have to do something. We made like 100 bottle variations of J'Adore, we put golden sparkles in it and what not. We created as many versions of Poison as the market can possibly bear...what now? what now?!

Executive 2: Our Hedi Slimane colognes are quite popular with fragrance aficionados of both sexes! Maybe we should do something else along those lines, this time for women perhaps? Boutiquey kind of scents, we could call them Les Exclusifs de Dior ...

Executive 4: Guerlain will think we are inspired by their stupid Matiere series. I'd hate that. Besides, those perfume nuts and bloggers would be too happy. We can't let that happen!

Executive 1: Seriously guys, we are overdue for a new release. People think that Dior Parfums is past its prime...

Executive 3: OK, OK, how about this? We take a bottle of Dolce Vita, make it metallic in color, like that fantabulous La Prairie's Silver Rain, with purplish-pink spots, since stuff that doesn't have anything pink on it simply doesn't sell...

Executive 2: Mais Oui! And we'll call it...Midnight Charm, so romantic and not at all cheesy...Midnight Charm Eau de Noel. We'll make it a Limited Edition to hype it up...

Executive 4: But Guerlain will think...

Execs 1, 2 and 3 in unison: Forget Guerlain!!

Executive 1: ...and the fragrance will be sweet and fruity-floral, how about that?

Execs 2,3 and 4: Great idea! Very original!

And thus the limited edition fragrance Midnight Charm was created. It had a green, somewhat watery beginning, which didn't quite manage to achieve the icy, Christmassy effect the makers seemed to have planned with the "green holly leaves" and "frosted bergamot". Its heart was very syrupy-sweet and fruity ("lychee pulp"), and quite heady, with ("red") jasmine and some other, unidentifiable, flowers ("fresh snowdrops"?) smelling rather chemically and so strong that the perfume nut and blogger Colombina could actually taste them. The base, which, with notes of "iced chestnut, cashmere musk and golden amber" sounded very promising, and was perhaps supposed to feel like a warm fur coat one puts on to go out on a frosty, Christmassy day (see top notes), was strangely plastic-y, and overwhelmingly sweet rather than warmly enveloping...

Next Flashback from Dior Headquarters: Executive Committee Discusses the Possible Masculine Release or Fahrenheit 32- How to Further Capitalize on Already Popular Fragrance.

49 Comments:

Blogger Ina said...

Those jokers, they have no idea who they're up against! ;D
Brilliant review of a less than mediocre scent.

11:18 PM EST  
Blogger tmp00 said...

Please tell me either that you're kidding of that I have been finally consumed by fever.

Not to Dior Execs. We WILL hurt you.

11:25 PM EST  
Blogger boisdejasmin said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! I am laughing out loud. This is one of my top favourite posts as of late. :) Brilliant!

11:41 PM EST  
Blogger Bryan said...

Go Girl! That was perfection. I want to send it to Dior. We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!

11:57 PM EST  
Blogger Madelyn said...

Dear Columbina,
Very, very clever...my pretty !

Mon Dieu! I can just imagine such a crime scene in the Dior headquarters . Frightening !

Reissueing Diorling and Diorama
would be a good thing.
Also, Dolce Vita was divine...
But please, no more variations
Je deteste J'adore .

1:16 AM EST  
Anonymous Maria B. said...

I laughed so much, Colombina--yet the meeting didn't seem all that far-fetched.

J'Adore's reach is so insidious that there is even a chrysanthemum called J'dore [sic]. The hybridizer must have been too dizzy from the Dior fumes to notice the correct spelling.

2:19 AM EST  
Anonymous Leopoldo said...

I love executive 2's slightly Russian inflected first utterance. :-)

Bang on the money, except I'm sure $$$$ is discussed much more than anything else.

Once again, you smell the dreck so we don't have to.

I love Dior - someone save them from their descent into the pit.

3:47 AM EST  
Blogger chaya ruchama said...

Ohh, Baby-
Dante called, they're naming a new circle in HELL just for you...
[I'll be waiting to welcome you, of course !]

Not too far from the truth.
the bottle was cute, in a kitschy-koo kind of way.. so what ?
Dreck is dreck.

But Marinochka-
NOW, she is really something.

MWAH !

6:39 AM EST  
Blogger lilyofbp said...

cWonderful! I have to admit that until I read the comments (and checked on NST) I thought you were making up this perfume:)! Wishful thinking, I guess!

7:12 AM EST  
Anonymous em said...

Brilliant! Thanks for a great early morning chuckle even though new releases from Dior have been few and less than stellar.

7:39 AM EST  
Blogger elle said...

LMAO!!! Absolutely, completely brilliant! Wonder if I could forward this to the string of expletives deleted executive committee at Dior. Oh, and like Judith I had totally missed this release. Apparently we were very lucky.

7:40 AM EST  
Blogger Fragrant Funster said...

Brilliant my dear! And scary in its very likely truth of the matter.

Also, I woke up craving Russian Tea Room; such a splendid warm sounding loveliness that touched the Russian part of my soul. And I want want want that middle bottle!

Hugs,
FF

7:48 AM EST  
Blogger Flor said...

HA! That's fantastic!!! God, I miss the good ol' Dior and their good ol' scents. Those were good times!

8:21 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Ina,
Thank you! Less than mediocre is right. It's not that it's offensive...well, actually parts of it are. It tried to choke me to death. Hrmph.

8:30 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Tom,
It's all in your feverish imagination...except for Midnight Charm, that really did exist during the Winter Holidays...and except Fahrenhet 32, that will actually be released any time now.

I hope you are feeling better!

8:31 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Vika,
hee hee, I am so glad if I made you laugh! :-)

8:31 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Bryan,
Too right! Power to Perfume Nuts! :-)

8:32 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Madelyn,
Je deteste it too. I feel like after J'Adore it all went downhill...of course it is a wrong way of looking at things. J'Adore was a symptom, not a cause, but still...

8:33 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Maria,
No way, really! J'dore? Haha. Well, the hybridizer must have been under the influence after overspraying his or her favorite scent. Now that is a good idea for a book- the murder is committed with the means of overspraying a heady perfume ...

8:35 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Leopoldo,
Aww, no! And I thought I was making him sound so very French :-) He is my favorite of the four. Although he came up with the name, he did try to get Diorling reissued and did talk about Hedi Slimane colognes.

And yes, I know that he is just a product of my imagination. :-)

8:37 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Chaya,
What did Twain said? Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company? :-)
I do actually kind of like the bottle, it's fun and cute, like a Christmas tree decoration, but the juice is not my cuppa tea.

8:40 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Judith,
You really thought I made up Midnight Charm? :-) I wish!!

8:41 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

M,
Thank you! Dior is doing so well in their men's scents department- Dior Homme, the colognes...why can't they give Us something as good. Discrimination!!

8:42 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

L,
You know, now that I read yours and Judith's comments...and Tom seems not to believe MC can be real either...the scent does sound totally made up. I mean, the notes, all those "frosted" things and "red jasmine"...and the name... and the Eau de Noel part...It's like a satire on every limited edition out there. Listen, maybe we underestimate Dior, maybe it WAS satire!

8:45 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

L,
Thank you! And likewise, I am sure! I am dreaming of the base notes of 1607: "Jamestown Cherrybark Oak, Brandy accord, woodsmoke and tobacco smoke accords"...Ah!

8:47 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Flor,
Me too...I love Dior so much, I want it to be strong and creative again!

8:47 AM EST  
Blogger donanicola said...

teehee! They were peddling this "exclusive" cr*p on easyjet flights last December! nuff said. Executive 4 needs to be bumped off - didn't someone yesterday suggest that such a plan looked as if it was being hatched from that red armchair? fancy taking delight in torturing poor defenceless perfumistas.

10:40 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Donanicola,

Easyjet? How terribly chic.

No 4 is evil, isn't he? Although I am sure he would disagree about perfumistas being defenseless. :-D

10:47 AM EST  
Blogger StyleSpy said...

It's so cruelly ironic that John Galliano should be doing some of his best design work ever for Christian Dior, and yet the perfume division seems to have completely collapsed in upon itself. Honestly, it's like My Little Perfume at the Dior counter -- Pink! Sparkly! Cute!

Bleah.

11:12 AM EST  
Anonymous Nez said...

It is a very sad story. I am sure, "Dior's People" will read this post and take it seriously...I enjoyed reading it. A perfect idea!

11:16 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

A,
So true and so unfair for the Parfumes, which have been the integral part of the company right from the start. What they do fashion-wise is still Couture, but perfume-wise they are producing what I can only call "fleurchons".

11:20 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

N,
Thank you! :-) I just hope they at least make my dear Diorling, Diorama and Dior-Dior widely available again. Then I will get off their backs :-)

11:22 AM EST  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I tried this too and yes it was awful, chesnut, I doubt it there was anything that came close!

11:28 AM EST  
Blogger chaya ruchama said...

Marinochka, I'm a bleedin' ijit.
Congrats on the Tea Room !
I would very much like to wear it NOW, please...

As a little girl, my Auntie took me there for tea, and blini...
Lucky me.

Want some now.
With you.
And Ina.
And Lisa.
End of story.

11:36 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Jennifer,
I didn't smell any chestnuts either :-(

11:38 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Chaya,
I want to have to with y'all too. :-) Lets bother Bond till they make our scents. :-)

11:39 AM EST  
Blogger The non-blonde said...

Brilliant. Too bad that the fragrance doesn't even deserve your rant.

1:02 PM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

The non-blonde,
Thank you! I guess you liked MC even less than I did :-)

1:20 PM EST  
Blogger NowSmellThis said...

LOL! Absolutely perfect, M, thanks for the laughs.

2:07 PM EST  
Blogger NewKidOnTheBlog said...

Very clever and funny Colombina darling. Keep being so funny and there will be no need for me to guest-post.

Seriously though here are some ideas for Dior to drum up some business;

1) Have some fun with their name:

*Diors of Perception (for the fans of Aldous Huxley and presciption narcotics)

*Eeyore Dior (for the kiddies)

*ROID (Dior spelled backwards - Perhaps get Barry "Mr. (ste)Roids" Bonds as spokesman.

*[And if she didn't have a frangrance already, they could have created "Celine Dior"]

2) Perhaps their name has become too politically incorrect in todays's age and they should consider using the disclaimer "Christian Dior ...not just for Christians ... A scent for Muslims, Jews and even Hindus."

Perhaps consider a total name change to 'Non-Denominational Organised Religion Dior' ?

3) Give away a voucher for some free i-tunes with each bottle

4) Appeal the the green 'tree-hugger' element out there (who, when not smelling like peat moss, like to smell nice) and have returnable bottle like Coca Cola used to.

Just a thought ... inane perhaps ...but a thought none-the-less.

Love,
Mr. C.

2:13 PM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Thank you, R! :-)

2:18 PM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

My dear Mr. C.,
How lovely of you to say that I am almost funny enough to make your posts unnecessary...Nice try! But you won't get off your writing duty that easily.
I love the idea of Non-Denominational Organized Religion Dior :-) Very funny!

2:20 PM EST  
Blogger Patty said...

Dior has been annoying lately, and you have captured the extent of their malicious capriciousness perfectly! :)

2:33 PM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

Patty,
Malicious capriciousness! Love it. :-)

2:43 PM EST  
Anonymous eaumy said...

Oui, oui. You are tres funny! Midnight Charm Eau de Noel? Pas funny. Le drek.

Thanks for the laugh!
n

6:56 PM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

N,
No, thank you for making me laugh. Le Drek! hahaha

6:58 PM EST  
Anonymous newproducts said...

Brilliant! Glad to see you have overcome your writer's block with triumph! I can just imagine a conversation along those lines at Dior headquarters. Those blockheads!

8:58 AM EST  
Blogger colombina said...

M,
Thank you! :-) This one was written in advance, but last the block seemed to have been lifted. :-)

9:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved your post, I really did. It was very funny (yet wouldn't be surprised to find out that these meating go as you described them).

On the other hand, I'm sorry to say I really liked Midnight Charm.
I live in a hot, very humid place and this perfume "sits" really well, you don't smell all sweaty.
It's really nice.
Can't use too much of it, though, or you suffocate...

7:53 AM EDT  

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