Spooky Scent

By Paul October 31st conjures many memories for me. In my early twenties, I bought a used Chevy Impala on that date, which I named “Vlad, the Impala.” But I digress. Welcome to my (lab)oratory on a perfume for Halloween. Now, I DO already know … thanks to my vast untapped knowledge of fragrances … ah who am I kidding … on my ability to Google, about Halloween Perfume by Jesus Del Pozo for Women. But like always, why would I want to buy one, when I can create my own? I draw my inspiration from Vincent Price’s “rap” in the song ‘Thriller’ … and in particular, two lines from that ‘rap’. The foulest stench is in the air The funk of forty thousand years Has anyone ever used human blood as a perfume ingredient I wonder? Then again, you want to go to your Halloween party a little more vamp, and a little less vampire. Pumpkin might be an interesting choice. Every year at this time, there always seems to be a release of pumpkin spice coffee available, and while it tastes better than it sounds, I just don’t see it as arousing to anyone this side of Peter Peter Pumpkin eater. So now, with the help of my faithful (and imaginary) assistant, Igor … let the work begin. I will start with rightwing of Newt (Gingrich) And eye of Batman The seed of a virtuous young Robert Pattison And … Nah, that’s not gonna work. I NEED MORE POWER!!!! (Sorry, I often shout that inexplicably in my lab) Well I am just going to toss some stuff in a hopper, see how it goes, and then even if it is the foulest stench in the air, I’ll just throw some celeb’s name on it and get the Madison Ave boys to spew some artsy dream-like ad campaign. “I need more clouds! Get me dry ice. Someone put more twigs in that sprite’s hair! Now tango across that conference table, not foxtrot! This is a perfume commercial, not Tom Delay promotional stunt! Work with me people!” I don’t know how you go about extracting the scent from things but I quote Freddie Prinze in “Chico and the Man” … “It’s not my job man.” So into the hopper (picture a big boiling witch’s pot) go the extracted scents of all the scary things I can think of apart from Dick Cheney. * Some graveyard soil … that ashy, misty, mossy night time dew (zombie scent) * Embalming fluid (mummy scent) * Something woodsy like a wooden stake (vampire scent) * Garlic (anti vampire scent) I NEED MORE POWER!!!! Then apply a little behind each neck bolt and you’re good to go. It’s ALIVE! … ALIVE! I call this concoction “Ghoul Power” Happy Halloween!