From The Mouths of Husbands - Mr. Colombina Reviews Cumming The Fragrance

Cumming, the Fragrance … TOO MANY JOKES …. UGHHH … MUST … WRITE … SERIOUS … REVIEW … OK, so Colombina assigns me yet another fragrance to talk about. This time it is called “Cumming” TOO MANY JOKES! TOO MANY JOKES! TOO MANY JOKES! TOO MANY JOKES! TOO MANY JOKES! TOO MANY JOKES! I’ll try to be serious for a moment and tell you that when the Mrs. told me that the fragrance was called “Cumming” I was amazed that the liquid was even able to be delivered through a spritzer. This fragrance is in fact a product of Christopher Brosius (who I never heard of but he did win a Fifi Award – which – come on – FIFI AWARD? That sounds like material for a 30-page post in and of itself). And this is of course, in collaboration with Scottish actor, Alan Cumming – whom I also never heard of. This is one of those fragrances that (supposedly) changes with time as you wear it and (supposedly again) the more you sweat. According to the fragrance’s official web site - the fragrance “gets deeper and sexier” over time. Well it’s time I put this claim to the test. (Spritz One) It smells like … and keep in mind that I have already read the list of ingredients … (“Base notes of leather, peat fire, highland mud, burnt rubber and white truffle ground the scent with rugged sensuality, while the core notes of cigar, heather, Douglas fir and rubber contribute to its sharpness. The fragrance is completed with spicy top notes of bergamot, black pepper, Scotch pine and whiskey.”) And the smell I get is … very Scottish indeed … It conjours up all kinds of smells of this mystical ancient land of golf, sheep shaggers and Glasgow heroin addicts. TO ME IT SMELLS LIKE: A true Scottish delicacy of a sheep’s heart. liver and lungs, minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, black pepper and salt, mixed with stock and traditionally boiled IN the animal’s stomach – must be the black pepper I smelled. AND - the disticinctive aroma of .... Mythical aquatic sea creatures AND - The haunting sexual tinglngs of ... A cloned sheep in heat AND - The distinct aromatic presence of ... A Scottish A-hole Mr Cumming has made the most of his double-entendre name … in both sexual and non-sexual uses. His nickname “Uppin” Cumming for example, justifies my having not heard of him. Whilst he has a film in production called “Coming Out”. By the way, the little man with the Scottish flag was put there by me. In the uncensored version you could see Mr Cumming's bits... which I hardly found to be a 'cumming attraction'. Mr Cumming was married and divorced. His sexuality seems to be the question du jour of the media …and by the media I mainly mean imdb.com forum writers. But his preference for men, women (or sheep for that matter), shouldn't affect me as a serious perfume commentator.So what of this evolving fragrance non-sense ..the more I sweat the sexier I get? (Spritz Two) To me, this fragrance changes in time, the way ALL fragrances do ... that is to say it goes away. To be honest, the fragrance is as unoffensive as it is indistinctive. I really think it is the type of product that can be hyped up and sold on its name, more so than any revolutionary nasal delight. And if that were the goal, perhaps Mr Cumming could team up with former England goal keeper David Seaman for a new scent. And like I said, I never heard of the actor. though when I think of the 'smell of cumming', I am reminded of Broadway ..and those nights I spent as a single man at the theatre ...when I say theatre... I mean peep show. Man was my life empty until I found a way to smell like Scottish sweat. Don't you want to smell like a sweaty Scottish actor? I know I do. I think the next step might be developing a fragrance of Scottish street walkers. NOTE: Sincere apologies to any Celtic friends at the implication of being sheep shaggers. We all know now that since you can clone sheep there is no need to shag them... and that the real sheep shaggers are in fact...the Welsh. The Scots are not sheep shaggers ... just a bunch of (caber) tossers! This fragfrance boasts of its 'base notes' yet I found the first and lingering impressions to be of lighter appeals. It is outdoorsy in a Highlander sense. I definitely appreciate the fir and the pine for example. While it would be a great day for swine in the aviation industry, the day I bought this fragrance, I applaud the makers for capturing (at least in part) a clean outdoors hogmanay celebration of everything Scots. You can take our lives. But you can't take our FRAGRANCE! That being said, there is ONE Scotsman I would like to smell like ... The Shexiest Man Alive CUMMING is not the first attempt to capture the essence of Scotland in a bottle ... But let's face it, if you want to smell like Scotland (no jokes here about 'BRAVE FART' please) ... then I suggest you douse yourself in a pleasant single malt.