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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Hold Your Nez, Part 1

Review by Tom

Nez a Nez

I blame Aromascope for ordering this one (well, blame is waaaay strong a word). The samples are amply sized and quite cheap, I think it was about 15 dollars for all of them. I don't remember exactly, since I feel like I placed the order sometime in 1967. Shipping took FOREVER, and the packaging was wholly inadequate for sending anything as delicate as 10 glass vials. I was lucky that mine arrived intact, others have reported theirs have not. As you know, Colombina loathed these, I'm too cheap not to delve into all of them, and too attention starved not to make you all sit through it. (tee hee)

Figues & Garçons: Well. Figs and boys. Frankly, I'm not big on either. I prefer dates and Men (bad-uhmpum, he's here all day folks! Tip your waiter!!) Oddly I don't really get figs, or boys. I get a rather clean green scent that reminds me of Fresh Index Cucumber Baie. It's sweeter than Cucumber Baie, and that's not necessarily a good thing.

1001 Figues: Cotton candy sweetness mixed with suntan lotion, that actually gets rather interesting. Something green and peppery comes in, and slightly bitter, but not figgy at all. It's a mess. An intersting mess, but still a mess.

Vanithé: More cotton candy. Listed as having ingredients like tonka beans, verbena and rosemary. Might as well add pixie dust and everything nice. Ghastly.

Ambre a Sade: Moving on to Fruity Pebbles. Complete with milk. Milk and skank. Breakfast with Paris Hilton, the day after. Ugh. Makes Vanithé look like Bandit.

Bal Musque:
A nice light leather, with musk. A bit of rose, a bit of vanilla. Hardly the stankiest of the stank, but the one I like best so far.

Next time: the rest. I have to go scrub my wrist with Borax before I go into a sugar coma. Fruity Pebbles indeed....

11 Comments:

Blogger Patty said...

This just sounds wretched!

7:58 AM EDT  
Blogger marchlion said...

Ack! I've had more fun reading all the reviews of these, though. I'd like some Figs & Boys...

8:16 AM EDT  
Blogger elle said...

The best thing I can say about these diabetic coma inducing scents is that they have the potential to make for very amusing reviews and yours were brilliant! Thanks!!
Oh, and yes, they do appear to deliver by row boat and donkey. Incredible to have to wait so long for that sort of drek.

8:18 AM EDT  
Blogger chaya ruchama said...

Oh, Tomtom-

PU, PU, PU !!!

Your poor nose !

Maybe, they need to drum up business via diabetic coma ?

Who loves you, baby?

8:19 AM EDT  
Blogger chaya ruchama said...

Elle-
We must have been in parallel universes-
I can't believe our mutual demented thought processes !

8:20 AM EDT  
Blogger tmp00 said...

Patty-

I'm afraid they are. At least on me.

11:05 AM EDT  
Blogger tmp00 said...

March-

I would too, but only in a Caravaggio..

11:06 AM EDT  
Blogger tmp00 said...

elle-

I hate being this mean, but there were only 2 or 3 that I found even tolerable, and a couple that made me want to move out of my place.

But I'm glad you liked the reviews! :-)

11:09 AM EDT  
Blogger tmp00 said...

Chaya-

Your comment gave me a brilliant idea- these could easily be used as smelling salts- were I in a coma the smell of a couple of these would immediately awaken me, if only to get away from them.

And there a couple that would raise the dead (vision of hordes of zombies shambling away, holding their noses: how's that for a hollowe'en visual?).

11:13 AM EDT  
Anonymous Ina said...

Sorry I made you hold your nose! LOL! I agree with your impressions, though.

3:55 PM EDT  
Blogger tmp00 said...

Ina-

I'm a stubborn, foolish man sometimes and I have to try things myself. This is one of the ones that I should have listened to others about.

4:51 PM EDT  

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