The Ultimate Anti-Me Perfume
Forgive the lack of a review today; everything smelled off this weekend. Instead, please allow me to introduce to you The Ultimate Anti-Colombina Perfume, a scent that would be bound to disgust, scare and annoy me if, heavens forbid, it was ever released. The kind of scent that makes me write multi-paragraph rants and rouses my worst photoshopping instincts.
- Fresh and sparkly fruity top notes of pink grapefruit, sea breeze, iodine, frosted strawberry, crystal litchi, icy melon, glacial peach and pink pepper;
- Sweet and heady floral middle notes of tiare, blue roses, black carnations and anise juxtaposed with the crisp greenness of celery and cucumber;
- Gourmand base notes of milk, almond, heliotrope, vanilla, chocolate and purple patchouli.
Has a Manifesto. Says it is going to start a Revolution. Declares that their perfume(s) will fight globalization/famine/desease/natural disasters and will bring peace on earth. Claims that it is guided by a Higher Power.
- A Latin phrase that has no relation to the scent: Eram Quod Es, Eris Quod Sum
- Or something long and "suggestive": Yo Babe Not On The First Date
- A happy-cheery, new-agey name: Bliss (Comes From Your Inner Space)
- Or a faux-hip, pseudo-young name: X-I-10
Cheapo "lab" bottle with a black cap and a hand-written label. Or a purple bottle that looks like a heart or a fleurchon. The box features an inspirational message-poem from the creators and an anime-pornographic image, interpretation of the perfume.
Size and formulation:
7ml bottle of oil or parfum for $500 and 400ml of Eau de Toilette for $500.
Only in a random city somewhere in the Appalachian Region. Because the company thinks that you have to prove your love for perfume by cheerfully dealing with a small inconvenience of traveling as far as needed to buy their precious juice. And no, they won't sell it to you over the phone. No, they will not sell it to you online. Not even if you are in the same country. You have to get your exclusivity-craving self to their exquisitely minimalistic boutique and beg them to take your $500.
Stars that allegedly love the scent:
Sienna Miller, Kate Moss, Russell Crowe.
What would be the ultimate anti-you perfume?